Ethan is turning one month!

I can't believe that he has only been a part of my life for 28 days.  It feels so much longer.  I love him so much.  He is the most amazing gift from God.  I love to just stare at him and his adorableness.  Mommyhood has had it's share of challenges though.  I had no idea that I would have to worry about his weight gain.  I know I've done everything I could, but I feel like I am somehow lacking as a woman.  How can something God intended not work for me.  I want the best for Ethan, but I'm realizing I'm not it.  I have done so much to try to have enough milk.  I've done the herbs, the tea, pumping, and lots of prayer.  I don't know what else to do.  I just want my baby to grow.  He is still not to his birth weight.  The other problem we are dealing with is the formula we are supplementing with.  Since starting down this road, he stopped having regular bowel movements.  We got off the Enfamil because it really hurt his tummy.  We used the Simalac Sensitive, but he still hasn't regulated.  We have done suppositories and they work, but he needs to go on his own.  Monday we met with our Pediatrician and she told me to supplement him every meal with formula and gave us Entelacare.  That formula is insane!  It costs an arm and a leg.  He took the first three feeds but then rejected it after that.  So we went back to the Similac.  I'm really hoping that he gains for our next appointment.  AND that he starts to have regular bowel movements.  I've never felt so helpless in all my life.